KSSHHHKRRRCHHH
MODEM$MODEM
56K OR NOTHING!!!
WE HAVE ACHIEVED CONNECTION. The greatest invention mankind has ever screeched into existence: 56 kilobits per second of PURE, UNFILTERED FUTURE, delivered straight to your eardrums.
THIS IS MODEM PRIME. |
WELCOME TO MY HOME PAGE ON THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY!!!Before the beige box there was NOTHING. Silence. Paper. People mailing each other letters. Then one day a chunky plastic modem was plugged into a phone jack, cleared its throat and went KSSHHHKRRRCHHH, and the World Wide Web screeched into existence one kilobit at a time. That modem is Modem Prime. It has green and amber LED eyes. It screams its own name when it connects. It is absolutely certain it built the internet, and nobody has been brave enough to unplug it and argue. This page is UNDER CONSTRUCTION FOREVER, because the future is never finished loading. |
KSSHHHKRRRCHHH
THE SOUND OF TOMORROW
Other machines hum. Other machines beep. Modem SINGS. Press the button and your computer will perform the full sacred handshake: the dial tone, the number, the ring, the answer, and the glorious screech of two machines agreeing that the future has arrived.
Synthesized live in your browser, note for note. No recording. Turn it UP.
THE 56K CHOIR. THEY BLINK WHEN THE FUTURE ARRIVES. LISTEN.
DIAL-UP DAN PRESENTS: FEATURES THE OTHER INTERNETS FORGOT
-
A HIT COUNTER
An honest one. It counts YOUR visits, on YOUR machine, and nobody else's.
000000 -
BACKGROUND MIDI
Our only song is the handshake. It is a banger. It is ALWAYS a banger.
-
A GUESTBOOK
Sign it, read it, scream KSSHHHKRRRCHHH in it. The guestbook is our Telegram group.
SIGN THE GUESTBOOK -
A MODEM
Beige. Chunky. Eight LEDs. One phone cord. Zero regrets. What more could a species need?
MODEM VS. "OTHER TECHNOLOGIES"
| MODEM | "FIBER" | "WI-FI" | |
|---|---|---|---|
| SPEED | 56,000 BPS!!! | is that a cereal? | wireless?? where does the CORD go |
| SOUND | KSSHHHKRRRCHHH | silent. suspicious. | silent. VERY suspicious. |
| LEDS | EIGHT | ??? | ??? |
| PHONE CORD | YES. GLORIOUS. | no cord. no soul. | no cord. no soul. |
KSSHHHKRRRCHHH
HOW FAST IS LUDICROUS?
Pick something. Modem will tell you EXACTLY how long it takes at the fastest speed mankind has ever achieved: 56,000 bits per second, every one of them screamed through a phone line by hand.
NOW LOADING...
Do not pick up the phone. Do not let your mom pick up the phone. The future is coming through.